Top 13 Chuck Norris Joke

1.¬†When Chuck Norris was born the only one who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris ūüėČ

2. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

3.¬†Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.

4.¬†Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.

5.¬†Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afriad to move.

6. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

7. Chuck Norris counted to infinity Рtwice.

8. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

9.¬†Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him

10.¬†Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake…….. After three days of pain and agony ………………the rattle snake died

11.¬†Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

12. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

13.  Chuck Norris once throwing a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded

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The new logy?

Mouthology:

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

Sharks surrounding man sitting in sinking boat

The Gruesome Stories of Junko Furuta Undergo 44 Days of Torture

 

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Cruelty, Gore, ¬†and Insane, but no word can describe how cruel this psychopath did to the victim, the¬†16 years old¬†¬† Japanese high school student who was abducted, tortured, raped, and¬†murdered in the late 1980s. Her murder case was named the Concrete-encased high school girl murder case JoshikŇćsei konkurńęto-zume satsujin-jiken?) due to the state of her discovered body: in a concrete drum filled with over 50 gallons of cement.

The Crime

On November 25, 1988, four boys, including a 17-year-old whose name was JŇć and was later given the surname Kamisaku,¬†abducted and held Furuta, a third-year high school student from Misato, Saitama Prefecture, for over 40 days. She was held captive in the house owned by the parents of Kamisaku, in the Ayase district of Adachi, Tokyo.

In order to avoid any concern over her abduction, the perpetrators forced Furuta to call her parents and tell them that she would be staying at a friend’s house for a while. The parents of the boy who owned the house were present at least part of the time Furuta was held captive, yet did not intervene, later claiming that they feared their son too much to do so.

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44 Days Of Torturing

FIRST DAY: November 22, 1988: Kidnapped

Kidnapped.

Raped (more than 400 times)

Hunger and malnutrition

Given cockroaches for food and given to drink their own urine

Forced masturbation

Forced to strip naked in front of her captors

Ignited with a lighter

Anus and vagina inserted foreign objects

DAY ELEVEN: December 1, 1988: Severely beaten repeatedly

Beaten repeatedly

Her face was exposed to the concrete floor and the captor jump on her head repetedly

Hands tied to ceiling and body used as punching bag

A large blood filled her nose up only being able to breathe through the mouth

Weight lifter dropped on her belly

Vomiting while trying to drink water (her stomach could not accept water)

Try to escape and ignite a cigarette in her arms

Flammable liquid poured on her feet, then burned (presumably to prevent her escape)

Bottle inserted into her anus, causing injury

DAY 20: December10, 1989: Unable to walk properly due to leg was burned

Unable to walk properly due to severe burns on feet

Beaten with bamboo

Put her anus and then lit firecrackers

Hand crushed by heavy objects and broken nails

Beaten with clubs

Cigarette ignited into genital

Beaten with iron rods repeatedly.

Forced to sleep on the balcony in winter weather

Rod grill to grill chicken inserted into the genitals and anus causing bleeding

DAY 30:

Hot wax is dripped into the face

Eyelids burned by cigarette lighter

Needle pierced in the chest

Left breast nipple cut and destroyed with pliers

Hot light bulb inserted into the genital

Severe bleeding in the genital consequences included scissors

Unable to urinate properly

Injuries severe enough to take an hour to get down and go to the toilet

The eardrum was badly damaged

Brain size shrinks

DAY 40:

Appeal to the abuser “kill me and let it all be over”

I January 1989:

Celebrating the new year alone.

His body is gone original appearance and function.

Unable to move from the floor.

DAY 44 (DAY OF DEATH) January 4, 1989

Captors beat her with an iron rod lifting weights, using ground lost play mahjong to do so. Junko bleed very badly in the mouth and nose. They burnt her face and eyes with wax.

Lighter fluid splashed into the legs, arms, face and stomach, and then lit the fire. Last Torture Junko takes more than two hours. Soon, Junko breathed his last breath in pain.

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The four Bastard (they deserve to be burn alive)

The boys were arrested and tried as adults; but, because of Japanese handling of crimes committed by juveniles, their identities were concealed by the court. The magazineShŇękan Bunshun reported their real names, claiming that “human rights aren’t needed for brutes”.

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For his participation in the crime, Kamisaku served eight years in a juvenile prison before he was released, in August 1999. In July 2004, he was arrested for assaulting an acquaintance, whom he believed to be luring a girlfriend away from him, and allegedly bragged about his earlier infamy. Kamisaku was sentenced to seven years in prison for the beating.

In July 1990, a lower court sentenced the leader to seventeen years in prison. The court sentenced one accomplice to a four- to six-year term, one accomplice to a three- to four-year term, and another accomplice to an indefinite five- to ten-year term. The leader and the first two of the three appealed their rulings. The higher court gave more severe sentences to the three appealing parties. The presiding judge, RyŇęji Yanase, said that the court did so because of the nature of the crime, the effect on the victim’s family, and the effects of the crime on society. The leader received a twenty-year sentence, the second highest possible sentence after life imprisonment. Of the two appealing accomplices, the one that originally got four to six years received a five- to nine-year term. The other accomplice had his sentence upgraded to a five- to seven-year term.

Furuta’s parents were dismayed by the sentences received by their daughter’s killers, and enjoined a civil suit against the parents of the boy in whose home the crimes were committed.

GTA 5 Will Have First Person

Awsome news for GTA 5 fans!!¬†Rockstar Games has confirmed that Grand Theft Auto¬†5 will be getting a first-person mode when it arrives on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One on Nov. 18. “We could‚Äôve put it in the [last-gen version] but we were too busy making the game,” Rob Nelson, Rockstar Games’ animation director told IGN in an interview.

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“You’re eye-level, down with the people on the street,” Nelson told IGN in the announcement. “As you walk past them, you see them sort of look at you out of the corner of their eye. All of this stuff existed in the game before ‚ÄĒ lots of little details.”

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Also confirmed for the Windows PC release is 4K resolution, a resolution nearly four times as high as the 1080p versions of the game coming to PS4 and Xbox One. The PC version of GTA 5 arrives Jan. 27, 2015.

Watch the trailer below

  • SOURCE¬†IGN